A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up.
The little boy is gripping on to the potty seat with his left hand
and hitting himself on top of the head with his right hand.
His mother says: "Billy, are you alright? You've been in here for awhile."
Billy says: "I'm fine, Mommy. I just haven't gone 'doody' yet."
His mother says: "OK, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
Billy says: "Works for Ketchup!"
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My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a
break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother
picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a
Judith Smith on the line. Will you accept the charges?"
Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming,
"Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!"
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One day, the Hodja gave a load to a porter to carry but on the way he lost him. His search was unsuccessful so he went home.
By great coincidence he saw the same porter after ten days still carrying his load, but this time the Hodja escaped. The people asked him afterwards,
"You already found the porter with your load? why didn't you want to catch him?"
"Let it be", said the Hodja, "what would I do if he said he wanted money for carrying the load for ten days."
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A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be The Man of Your House."
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess."
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